He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
