no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
