At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
3pm strippers are depressing
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
