walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
