i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
