Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
