he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
