Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
