you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
