I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
