he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
