ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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