mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
