She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
