We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
