I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
