It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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