Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I cut my penus on the lid.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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