I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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