i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
