i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
