bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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