I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
