He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
