Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
