I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
