Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
