i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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