Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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