I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I didn't shave. On purpose
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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