I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
