I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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