Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
