I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
