I think i sorta joined a cult last night
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
