shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
