Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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