Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
