but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
