One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
