Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
