I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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