They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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