I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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