sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
