I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I am in a vortex of obligation.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I need water and some morals
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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