He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
