Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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