Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
