Porn is love you can see.
I cockslap morals
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
