how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
