I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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