The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
